Struggling to death!

Finally start na ng summer vacation. Haay! ang dami ko na namang struggles this sem and now eto bakasyon na. Teka! sa pagkakaalam ko eh! may summer class pa ko... hindi pala talaga 'ko magbabakasyon. I only have few weeks tapos pasok na ulit sa school... haay! ang saya talaga ng buhay ko. Walang pahinga. After I said a lot of stupid things about our dance practice eh! eto para pa rin akong praning. I ate up all I said at sumayaw pa rin ako nung Saturday sa Arts Appreciation class namin. Ang galing ko ngang magkalat eh! Well, I have no choice but to do it. Narealize ko kasi na ayokong magkaron ng incomplete na grade so kahit labag sa loob ko na gawin 'yun because of my two left feet and stiff body eh! ginawa ko pa rin but I swear, I'll never want to do that again... never! At matapos 'yun eh! nacorrupt pa ang mga files ko sa thumb drive ko dahil sa virus sa laptop ni Ma'am kaya ayun, ginawa ko ulit 'yung powerpoint presentation ko sa Teaching Strategy which was supposed to be passed on Tuesday. Tapos na sana ko kung hindi nacorrupt 'yung files ko. At dahil nga ginawa ko s'ya for just a day eh! mukha akong adik na racoon kinabukasan pagpasok ko sa school... kulang sa tulog at walang kain... hah! how lucky can I get? Buti na lang at naayos ko rin lahat and I was able to pass all my school work on time. Thank God for that. At kahit hindi masyadong maganda ang araw ko nun eh! may maganda pa ring nangyari sa'kin. I was accepted as a staffer sa Vox, 'yung school paper namin. I'm so happy. After ng maraming rejections na nangyari sa'kin nung high school sa pag - aapply ko sa school paper eh! finally natanggap na rin ako. Ngayon pwede na munang magpahinga ang utak at katawan ko even for just a week or two... yehey!!! After nito eh! pasok na ulit sa 26 para sa meeting sa catering namin then sa 28 sa actual catering day. Tapos enrollment na rin that week for summer class. Hectic na ulit ang sked. Sanay na rin ako. Ganito naman lagi ang buhay ko so I'm already used to it. Nag - eenjoy naman akong mag - aral kahit most of the time eh! nakakapraning ang buhay ko sa school. I'm sure mamimiss ko rin ang pag - aaral after I graduate kaya susulitin ko na habang nag - aaral pa ko. I'll just do my best para naman maging maganda ang grades ko lagi... Aja!!! ^_^

Just one of my hell days on my hell week...

Yesterday's my mom's birthday and I was supposed to be happy but it seems that the world don't allow me to be. My day's been ruined. How could you be happy if people don't even care to understand how you feel? That's pretty patethic. We had our exams in the morning and it was supposed to be at 7 am but our proctor didn't arrive. We waited so long for someone to go in our room to look for us while we are having our exams but it was already 8 am and still no one came and our exams haven't started yet. So che, marvin and me decided to go to the office and ask who will be our substitute proctor but it's as if they don't know who will take over... that's the start of everything. And so we waited 'till someone went to our room and give us our exams. It was already 9 when we started it. Before we started, our proctor asked us about our exam permit. We are not allowed to take our exams without the permit because it's already finals. So what happened? Ayun, 7 lang kaming nag - exam sa technical writing at 3 sa business policy. Hindi kasi sila inallowed ng proctor na mag - take ng exam dahil wala silang permit. After the exams, me and my groupmates decided to have our dance practice for the presentation on Saturday. That presentation will be our final exam in Humanities: Arts Appreciation. Nakapagpractice na naman kami nung nakaraan at may nabuo na rin kaming steps. Finally, nasusundan ko na rin s'ya after I suffer too much para lang makuha 'yung mga 'yun. Then later afternoon, my classmate told me and my other group mates that there will be someone who will teach us the dance. I supposed dadagdagan lang n'ya 'yung steps na nabuo na namin at pinractice ng ilang araw pero nagulat na lang ako when all of the steps were changed.... hah! What do you expect me to feel? After ng ilang araw naming pagparactice at ilang araw kong pag - iisip kung pano 'ko magpepresent sa Saturday, eto binago na lahat. I really feel bad that time. Sino ba namang hindi di ba? I know that they know that I'm bad in dancing. I don't want to do it and I will never do it for no reason. Kung hindi dahil sa grade 'yun then they can never asked me to do it. But it seems that they don't understand. I know it's not their fault that I was born with stiff body and two left feet. it's neither my fault. O.k. lang sana if the steps were easy to follow pero hindi. Well siguro for them it's easy pero para sa'kin? Baka sampung taon bago ko matutunan lahat 'yun. Sounds shallow pero if they will gonna ask me, I really want to quit. Kung hindi maha - hang 'yung grade ko kung magkuquit ako eh! di matagal ko nang ginawa 'cause I really don't want to do it. Kung music na lang sana 'yan eh! di hindi ko na 'yan poproblemahin. I'd sing happily in front of the class. Pero wala naman akong choice eh! 'Yun kasi ang sinabi sa'min. Now, I was thinking if I will attend our class on Saturday or I'll lock myself inside my room so no one will disturb me. Ayoko na talaga! Sila na lang sumayaw dun tutal gusto naman nila 'yun. I'm not mad at them and I shouldn't get mad at them dahil lahat naman kami gagawin 'yun. It's just that I can't force myself to do things that I don't want, that I can't. I know my capacity. Sarili ko 'to kaya alam ko kung ano ang kaya kong gawin at hindi. If only they understand that. I don't want to humiliate myself in front of the whole class and be tagged as "trying hard" or wait for the next day when the whole world will tell me that "you're such a jerk in the dance floor" or something like "She's the dancing bamboo, trying to make her way up"... damn! I feel like I'm in hell and I was doing a hell shitty thing and I'm making the whole presentation looks like hell that I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Oh! God help me with this. Don't wanna be on hell anymore. Last week and this week's like hell for me. I just want to take a break.

Depression

Haay! buhay! Kakadepress! Bakit ba kasi may mga taong mahilig makialam sa buhay ng iba? Ano kayang napapala nila sa ganun? Buti na lang at mabait pa ko ngayon. Ang tanong, kelan ba ko magiging salbahe o masama? Lagi naman akong mabait sa ibang tao kaya minsan umaabuso na sila... kakainis! Basta sana lang h'wag na nila kong pakialaman kasi wala rin naman akong pakialam sa kanila... 'yun lang! Kung wala silang magawa sa buhay nila eh! pabayaan na lang nila akong mag - isa... Sana lang!!!!

The People I Miss Most!

Hey Jessie, how are you? I miss you, Take care... those messages are the one I usually received as a comment in my friendster account and even in my e - mail. Kumusta ka na? Hmmm... Kumusta na nga ba ako? I realized just now that I've been missing a lot of people in my life. Ewan ko ba! Parang out of no where eh! bigla akong nag - emote at naisip ko silang lahat. Nahawa na yata ako kay ate Neym sa pagkamiss n'ya sa mga mahal n'ya sa buhay... hehehe! And now I'm also missing those people who has been a big part of my life. At dahil nga namiss ko na silang lahat, I decided to give a message to all of them.

St. Augustine class: my classmates in High School, we guys rock! The best pa rin ang class natin sa lahat until now. Hope to see you all soon.

My cousins: ate clang, kuya ayan and kuya jon... I miss you mga insan. Hope to see you again soon. Ate clang, ang dami kong chika sa'yo. Sana magkita na ulit tayo pag - uwi mo sa Palocpoc. Kuya ayan, goodluck sa work. H'wag masyadong pakapagod kasi baka lalo kang pumayat. Kuya jon, miss na rin kita. Ikumusta mo na lang ako kay ate weng at sa inaanak kong si Jade. Love ko talaga kayo mga insans. See you soon!

My makukulit na tropa back in high school: Jaymee, Jamie, and Minna... I miss you guys. Wala na kong makukulit na sisters ngayon. Miss ko na ang mga chitchats at food trip. Jaymee, you're a mom now. Nakakagulat pero that's your decision kaya I'll support you if that what makes you happy. Just take good care of my god daughter, Jham. Jamie, paramdam ka naman. Miss na rin kita. Minna, lagi naman tayong magkatext eh!... hehe! Magt'yaga ka muna d'yan sa mga badings d'yan sa dlsu - d... hehehe! H'wag kang masyadong mainip kasi darating din 'yun. ^_^

Mga kaservice ko: Aj, Quennie and Carleen... Kelan kaya matutuloy ang gala natin na kasama na ko? Lagi na lang kasing napopost poned at kung natuloy man eh! di naman ako kasama. Kwinz and Chin, goodluck sa mga lovelife n'yo. Hope you guys are both happy. Aj, we're good girls right?... haha! Just inform me kung meron ka na rin. ^_^

My DLSU - D buddies: Jannielou and Gina... we're not on the same school now but you guys will always be my buddies. I miss you both! Salamat sa mga quotes... haha!

Zhel and Den, my best buds in UPHG... I miss you both. Mas o.k. talaga kung nandun kayo sa school kasi mas light ang feeling ko. Den, when will you go back to school? I miss our chats pati na 'yung food trip natin nina Zhel. Zhel, another mom now, always remember that I'm just here for you. See you at Kyle's Christianing.

Wilbur and Mae, my seatmates and best buds when I was still in high school and until now... Adek, how's life? I miss being called "Pare". Wala na ring nangungurot sa'kin ngayon... hahaha! No one can replace you as the adek of Augustine. Thanks for being open to me. You know that I'm just here for you always. Mae, my partner in crime, miss ko na ang physics days natin pati na ang panakaw na pagkain natin during that class period. Miss ko na rin ang mga tawanan at trip natin lalo na 'pag time ng physics... haha! Miss na kita...sobra!

Jacob, my buddy since 2nd. year high: You're a really good swimmer and I'm really proud of your achievements. I'm really proud of you. 'Di ko alam kung bakit hindi ako nagagalit sa'yo 'pag tinatawag mo kong ate... hehe! I really miss your kakulitan. Thank you sa mga teddy bears na binibigay mo sa'kin nung high school tuwing Christmas. Don't worry kasi inaalagaan ko silang mabuti. Namimiss ko na rin ang pangungulit at pamimilit mo sa'kin na kumanta. Mas nadevelop yata ang boses ko dahil sa'yo... haha! Thank you for being a nice friend. I miss you little bro! ^_^

Steph, my asianovela buddy: You're really talented when it comes to writing. I really love the stories and poems you write. Ikaw din nag - inspire sa'kin na magsulat so I also love writing now. Miss ko na rin ang kwentuhan natin though lagi naman tayong nagkakatext. Mas o.k. pa rin kung kaharap kita... hehe! Ang sarap mo kasing kausap kasi pareho tayo ng trip. We both have an addiction to Asian series, movies and stuff. You're also a good friend and adviser. Thank you sa mga e - mails. Hope to see you soon. I miss you so much! ^_^

My beloved tropa at sobrang love ko: Bryan, Dale, Cha and Kendle... I miss you all! Bryan, kelan kaya ulit ang next videoke day natin nina RJ? Kakamiss na, ang tagal na nun eh! Good luck sa studies and lovelife. Dale, I really miss your voice. We both know that we really love music. Hope to hear you sing again soon and hopefully makita rin kita sa tv 'pag sumali ka na ng singing contest. Cha, nanood ka ba ng concert ng Sponge sa RC? Kainis kasi di ako nakanood. 'Di ko tuloy nakita si Yael... haha! I miss you! Kendle, miss ko na ang kwentuhan natin sa text. Hope to hear from you again soon. I love you guys!!!

RJ, my best best friend in the whole world... I'm so happy that you're finally reaching your dream. You've been through a lot and I'm glad to see you as a better person. Tayo ang ultimate dramatista sa lahat... hehehe! Thanks for being my best friend and brother. We two are really tight. Sana magkita na ulit tayo after your school sa PNPA. I really miss your jokes. You know that I'm always here for you no matter what. You're my favorite guy... hehe! I really miss our chats. Thanks for being so open to me at sa pagsunod mo sa mga advices ko. No one can replace you for being my best friend in the whole world... haha! I really miss you, hyung!See you soon! ^_^

I think I already mention all those people that I miss. I just hope that they're all doing o.k. and hopefully I could have a chance to see them again soon. I really miss them. Take good care of yourselves guys! I love you all so much!!!

On Valentine's Day

It's Feb. 14 again, Valentine's day. Well, what's new with this day? For those who have someone beside them then this day is so special but for those who don't have, this is just an ordinary day. For me, Valentine's day is not just for couples. The meaning of Valentine's day is not just about going on dates, giving gifts and stuff. It's a day when we share our love to all the people around us not just for one person. It's when we give importance to our families, friends and relatives and making them feel how important they are in our lives... that's the real meaning of Valentine's day. I bet some of you won't agree with me right? Well, it's how I think of it. That's what it means to me. I'm not saying this because I'm single. In fact, I'm happy being single... believe it or not. It even makes me realize that this day will became more valuable if I think of those people around me, of those people that I already have in my life. And besides, I don't look for one right now. I'm better off like this cause I know God will give him to me at the right place and time. I'm happy to celebrate this day with my family and friends and if one day God will already give me my hwang - ja, I will still find time to celebrate this day with them. This is what Valentine's day really means to me. So to all of you, be good to everyone and spread the love. Happy Heart's day! Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!! ^_^

Poem

Writing is one of my greatest hobby. Whenever I'm bored or I have nothing else to do, I usually write. My friends knew about it cause they are the ones who usually read my work... (and I thank them for reading it though it's not that good). Last Monday night, I'm on our dining room doing my school work. It's already 12 am when I finished it but I'm not sleepy yet so I decided to get my pen and paper and write something. Then I come up with a 6 stanza poem. I never thought that I'll be able to write it because I find it hard to find the right words to match the first line. I'm so happy that I'm able to write a poem again after a long time. I thought I already forgot how to write but I did maybe because I've struggled a lot during the past few days. Now, I decided to post that poem here in my blog since this serves as my diary. O.k. enough of the sayings... here's what I'm talking about:

EACH TIME I GET WEAK

There are so many questions in my mind

Looking for answers but I still can't find

Feeling so broken and lost inside

Just like a lost little child.

There are times that I want to give up

Wishing all this pain to stop

Sometimes people makes me feel like a crap

That I hope they'll just get off my back.

There are a lot of things that they can't understand

But I just keep it within and let them say what they want

And sometimes they became rude that I just can't stand

Those times that I felt I'm holding sand in my hands.

But just when I thought I'm all alone

Someone took my hand and lead me home

Give me a shelter when I was cold

And with his hands all my worries are gone.

There's always a rainbow after the rain

A cure in every person's pain

Now I don't care whatever people will say

Cause I know God is with me all the way.

So when the time comes that I'll be trapped or tricked

I won't be afraid and will still reach the peak

And though there'll be a moment that I won't be able to speak

I know He'll be there each time I get weak.

Hope you like my poem! Happy reading!!!

Finding the Missing Me

My first post for this year. I've been busy with school... as usual. I'm always busy at school right? And I'm already used to it. It's just that I realized that I'm getting out of sync for a past few days. What's happening? It seems like I've been out of myself that I forgot some of my responsibilities as a student and that I've been stucked somewhere else that I can't find away to get back to my old self, to my usual things. My grades was good but I've noticed that it's a bit lower than before. I'm still wondering why it's like that and now I keep asking myself what's really happening with me. Now, I realize that I better get myself back. I should find the missing person that I am so I'm starting to be what I was before and even make myself better. I'm starting to regain what I lose. I'm studying more so I could make my grades up and though it gives me a lot of pressure, I still give my best to do it. Just like what I always say to myself, I will never quit. I can do it... aja!!!